Devoted Intent Read online

  Devoted Intent

  Rapturous Intent

  Book 3

  Cadence Keys

  Copyright © 2022 by Cadence Keys

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblances to actual people, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales are entirely coincidental. Any trademarks, service marks, product names, or named features are assumed to be the property of their respective owners and are used only for reference.

  Editors: Happily Editing Anns

  Cover Design: Kate Farlow, Y’all. That Graphic

  Special Edition Cover Design: Lily Bear Design Co.

  Created with Vellum

  To anyone who’s had to pick themselves up after an unbearable loss.

  Contents

  Preface

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Epilogue

  Signed Paperbacks Now Available

  Afterword

  About the Author

  Also by Cadence Keys

  Preface

  PLEASE NOTE:

  This book addresses death of a spouse, pregnancy loss, and infertility. Some scenes may be difficult for readers.

  Prologue

  The rain pelts down on us like the sky is mourning Robbie as much as we are. Jolie sits beside me, her face blank, eyes vacant, and hands limp at her sides. The only sign she’s feeling anything is the stream of tears falling silently down her face. My fingers ache to brush them away. I’ve never been able to stand seeing Jolie in pain—not when she broke her arm when she was seventeen, not when her dad got in a car accident four years ago and nearly died, and definitely not now.

  I’d give anything to trade places with Robbie, so she could have him back. So her heart wouldn’t be breaking into pieces right in front of me.

  I still can’t quite believe he’s gone. Robbie was like a brother to me. I’m both heartbroken and angry this happened.

  He should be here.

  He’s been my best friend for twenty years. How am I supposed to live without him? Without his jokes? His ability to make anyone he encountered smile? His steady and unending support?

  This isn’t how things were supposed to go.

  The pastor speaks, but I don’t hear a word he says. My own tears threaten to stream down my face, and my chest feels like it’s going to explode from all the pain I’m barely holding inside. Robbie’s mom lets out a heart-wrenching sob, and Jolie shakes beside me.

  She’s going to break.

  Reaching out, I grab her hand and hold it tight in mine. The second our skin makes contact, warmth and relief wash over me, soothing some of the pain. Her watery eyes connect with mine and a silent thank you passes between us. She needs the support as much as I do.

  The service continues in a blur, and then just as quickly as it began, it’s over.

  It’s weird how time continues when you feel like your whole world has stopped.

  Everyone starts to get up and leave, heading to the reception. Robbie’s mom is guided to the cars by Trent and Becka, but Jolie doesn’t make any move to go, so I stay seated next to her. She stares at the grave where the casket hangs over. The undertaker is waiting nearby to lower it as soon as we’re gone.

  Jolie’s shoulders start to shake, her chest caving in and her mouth parting, before she bends over, covering her face with her hands, and lets out a sob that shreds my heart. I want to take this pain from her, but I don’t know how. I can’t fix this. I can’t bring Robbie back to life any more than I can trade places with him.

  The undertaker moves forward, and his eyes drip with sympathy as he leans down to whisper in my ear, “I need to lower him down now.”

  I nod silently and then pull Jolie into my arms, holding her head against my chest so she can’t see. She knows what’s happening. She doesn’t need the visual of her husband being lowered into the ground to haunt her for the rest of her life.

  She sobs into my chest, the tears making my jacket wet, but I know it won’t be noticeable once we get out from under the canopy and they’re covered by the heavy rain.

  I hold her tight and close my eyes. I’ve imagined holding Jolie since the first day I met her, but it was never like this. It was never while we were forced to say goodbye to the person we both loved.

  “Let’s go,” I say, my lips brushing against her hair. The sweet familiar scent of strawberries from her shampoo soothes me a little more.

  She nods, and I tug her up with me when I notice her struggle to stand on her own. Her legs are shaky as we start to walk away, and her shoulders shake with more sobs. We’re halfway to my car when she stops abruptly, her hair hanging in strings around her face from the rain.

  “I can’t leave him here,” she sobs.

  I need to be strong for her, but she has no idea how much it’s killing me to leave him here too. “We need to leave, Jo.”

  She shakes her head, her eyes pleading with me.

  My voice cracks as I say, “He’s gone, Jo.”

  She closes her eyes in pain, and I see more than hear her take a stuttering breath. She shakes her head like she doesn’t want to believe it.

  That makes two of us.

  “Come on, I’ll take you home.”

  She grabs my arm, her fingers white from how tight she grips me. “No. Please don’t take me back there. Anywhere but there. I can’t be in that house without Robbie. Not tonight.”

  She doesn’t know it, but I’d give her anything she asked for if I could. I know my next suggestion is dangerous—for me more than her—but I can’t resist the idea of spending more time with her, even if it’s while she’s mourning the love of her life.

  “We can go back to my house.”

  She closes her eyes and tips her face up to the sky, letting the rain wash away her tears. More will come later, I’m sure of it, but for now she’s taking the first step in trying to put herself together. When she looks back at me, her eyes are a little clearer and she nods.

  She takes a step forward and I’m right there with her. I’ll get her through this and be there for her, just like I always have. Because that’s what you do for the person you love.

  Robbie was always the love of her life.

  And she’s always been mine.

  1

  11 years ago

  “Class, please welcome our new student who is coming to us from Georgia.”

  I glance up from my notebook where I’ve been working on some lyrics. My eyes start at the black high-top Converse and move up tanned, toned legs over shorts with a frayed edge, a long oversized white sweater, and up to the most beautiful face I’ve ever seen.

  Woah.

  I forget to breathe as my eyes rake over the glossy long auburn hair, the beautiful light green eyes, and the most heart-rending smile. My body responds instantly, and I shift in my seat trying to find a more comfortable position.

  “Ms. Peters, why don’t you take a seat and we’ll get class started.” Mr. Glenn points to the seat next to me, and I swear my heart stops.

  She’s going to sit by me.

  Okay, play it cool.

  My body stays frozen in place, as my eyes stay glued to her, watching her make her way down the aisle toward the seat next to me. She’s looking around the room, a nervous smile on her face, when her gaze finally lands on mine.

  I see my whole future the minute our eyes connect. I know instantly this is the woman I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. She owns me with only a look, and my heart will never belong to anyone else.

  I’ve never believed in love at first sight, but she’s made a believer out of me.

  Her eyes soften and her lips quirk up in a brighter smile before she looks away. But not before I catch the light blush staining her cheeks. I fight back my own smile. I should probably get to know her first before I confess my undying love for her.

  I subtly shake my head. This is completely unlike me, but I can’t deny what I feel. It’s like my soul knew instantly she was made for me an
d I was made for her.

  She sits in her seat, then reaches down into her backpack to grab a notebook. I take the extra pen from my desk and reach across the small aisle, leaning as far toward her as my desk will allow.

  “Need a pen?” I say softly so as not to catch the attention of Mr. Glenn.

  She glances up, and my breath does that weird catchy thing in my chest again when her eyes hit me full force. They’re mesmerizing with a mixture of jade and emerald green. I could easily get lost in them, and I will. Someday, when she’s mine. Hopefully soon.

  “Thanks,” she says, and her voice triggers my body to fire on all cylinders.

  “I’m Tristan,” I say.

  She gives me a soft smile I don’t think I’ll ever tire of. “I’m Jolie, but my friends call me Jo. It’s nice to meet you, Tristan.”

  God, the way she says my name. Why is it so hot how she says it?

  I smile at her, but try to tone down how much I’m in love with her already. She’d probably think I’m crazy. Hell, I think I’m a little crazy. If I tell Trent, he’s going to hit me upside the head and tell me I’ve lost my mind.

  I lean back in my chair and focus on the history lesson my teacher is giving. Determined not to scare her too soon, I decide to try to get to know her slowly in class but not show my feelings right away. I’m a pretty reserved guy, so that won’t be hard. She’ll be in this class for the rest of the semester at least. I have time.

  “You’re never going to guess what I just did.”

  I glance up from my lunch tray at my best friend, Robbie Nolan, whose face is lit up like a damn Christmas tree. This is the most excited I’ve seen him in months. He’s had a hard time since his dad died.

  It’s one of the reasons I didn’t tell him about Jo. I didn’t want him to feel like he was losing me too. Or like my life was so great because I met the one, while he’s been struggling to make it from one day to the next.

  But his excitement now makes me think I could actually tell him soon, which means I could also finally ask her out like I’ve been dying to since the first day she walked into my history class a few weeks ago.

  “What’d you do?”

  “I asked out this incredible girl. And she said yes! Dude, she’s…she’s amazing. She’s sweet, funny, and God, her smile is killer.” He grips his chest like he’s been struck by an arrow to the heart.

  I smile at him, relieved to see him this happy and excited. I was worried I’d never get to see him like this again. Plus, if he’s seeing someone then maybe we could double date or something.

  “That’s awesome, man. What’s her name?” I ask, turning back to my lunch tray and popping a chip in my mouth.

  “Jolie Peters. She’s new. From Georgia.”

  I choke on my chip and feel the heavy pats from my best friend as my heart spirals down to my stomach. I swallow some water and try to hold myself together. This can’t be right. He’s playing a trick on me. This has to be a joke. A horrible joke. Right?

  Glancing up at my best friend in the whole world, I see the concern in the downturn of his mouth and the slight squint of his eyes, but I can also see a brightness that hasn’t been there since his dad died.

  Hope.

  This isn’t a trick. It’s just fate fucking me over. For three glorious weeks I thought I would finally have that big love I always heard about as a kid. I thought I’d get to be with my soul’s other half. Looking at Robbie, I already know that’s not what’s going to happen. I can’t take away this hope from him. I can’t hurt him that way.

  Robbie looks over my shoulder, and a bright smile lights his face. “Hey Jo. This is my best friend, Tristan.”

  I turn around and stare at Jo. I put up every wall I have so she can’t see the emotions swirling like a storm inside me. When she smiles at Robbie, my heart shrivels up in my chest. She likes him too.

  Fuck, this hurts. Why would the universe do this to me? Why would it show me my soulmate and then put her in someone else’s arms? And not just any someone—my best friend.

  I shouldn’t have waited. I should’ve made a move when I had the chance.

  Jo moves around me and sits next to Robbie. I sit silently eating my lunch, occasionally contributing to the conversation, but it’s torture sitting here with them. The longer lunch goes on the more I can see they fit together. She seems happy and into Robbie, and he’s like a lovesick puppy dog.

  By the time lunch ends, I’ve made a decision. One that guts me to my core and leaves a hollow ache where my heart resides, but I won’t take away the happiness of my best friend or the girl I’m in love with.

  I won’t stand in their way, and I’ll never confess the truth to either of them.

  2

  Now

  You’d think I’d be used to this by now—the debilitating pain that takes me hostage when I least expect it.

  But I’m not.

  Some days it feels like a dull ache. Other days—like today—it hits me like a steel beam being shoved into my chest.

  Robbie’s gone.

  My sweet, affable, loving husband. The man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, only for him to be ripped away from me at only twenty-five. Doctors call it the widow-maker. An appropriate name since that’s exactly what it made me. He’d had some chest pain off and on throughout the day, but he thought it was indigestion. When he said he felt lightheaded, I suggested we go home so he could go lie down. He’d been under a great deal of stress with the band recording the new album and Kasen’s increasing drug use. When Kasen Stone, the bassist for the band, ended up in the hospital after another near fatal overdose, we both thought his symptoms were due to the stress.

  But they weren’t.

  It’s been almost a year since he died. Ten months, twelve days, and seven hours to be exact. I’m sure it’s not healthy I know the exact amount of time, but there are a lot of unhealthy things I’ve picked up since Robbie died—like eating a pint of So Delicious ice cream multiple times a week, using marijuana edibles to get through the really rough days, or probably the most unhealthy, still holding on to everything he owned and keeping it all in its rightful place.

  For the first few months, I replayed that day over and over in my head, wondering why I didn’t immediately suggest he get checked out since we were already at the hospital. Instead, I encouraged him to go home so he could rest. Maybe sleep it off.

  Except he never woke up.

  His family had a history of heart disease and a genetic condition which causes blood to clot more rapidly, but that didn’t come out until after Robbie’s death. No one in his family ever talked about anything serious. His mom in particular had refused to go to the doctor after Robbie’s dad died because she never wanted to get bad news. I could never understand her thinking back then, but rarely thought much about it until Robbie died. Then I couldn’t stop thinking about how his death could’ve been prevented if his family had actually talked about serious issues, particularly their health history. I could barely talk to her from all the anger stemming from his family’s denial and insistence on not talking openly about health issues. That one choice took away the only man I’ve ever loved.

  But thinking about woulda, shoulda, couldas won’t bring him back. I should know. I’ve pleaded with every god out there to wake me up from this nightmare, but not a single one has come through for me.

  In the ten years I was with Robbie, I never imagined living life without him. I’d had a crush on someone else when I met Robbie—his best friend, Tristan, to be exact, which is something I’ll take to my grave—but Robbie pursued me with gusto and Tristan didn’t. Instead of holding on to a clearly unrequited crush, I said yes when Robbie asked me out. I’d seen how much my parents loved each other. How my dad showed my mom every day that she was important to him. I wanted that kind of love. The devoted kind. The kind where you love the other endlessly, no matter their flaws.